There have been times in life when my mental health has been through the wringer. I've dealt with periods of deep depression in my life, which in the past has led me to psych meds and even a stint in a New York psych ward (which I wouldn't recommend to anybody). Now that I'm in my fifties, though, I've gotten to the point where I realize there was a lot of dealing and not necessarily healing in my journey. So when I heard about Field Trip Health, I knew I was ready to try something beyond traditional therapy.
As human beings, we have so much potential, and I want to reach a point where I can be the person I've always wanted to be. I'm very spiritual, and I felt as though I'd grown as much as possible within traditional psychotherapy. I no longer wanted to feel numb and medicated: I wanted to go deeper. So I reached out.
During my first session, I was apprehensive because I worried some stuff would come up that I wasn't ready to address. I'd never done ketamine recreationally, but I have some experience with psilocybin. I wanted an exit clause just in case it was too overwhelming an experience. The staff was completely supportive of that, so I went into that first journey feeling safe and supported.
The ketamine experience was much more extensive than I had envisioned — it was an incredible, visceral feeling filled with emotion. Ultimately, I did six sessions, but I wasn't anticipating that the work you do in between your journeys is just as crucial as the journeys themselves. I can still recall one big "aha" moment from one. There was a tapestry in front of me comprised of stiff silver threads. But there was one gold thread within. I remember reaching in and pulling that gold thread and saying, "This is what I want." That made a lot of sense to me in my soul, and it sums up why I want to do this work: I want that gold thread.
Now that I've wrapped those sessions, there's still a lot of work to do. I think I may be one of those people who will be in therapy forever, but what's nice about having had the Field Trip experience is that I've started peeling back the layers on that onion. It's opened me up to getting into therapy again and I'm very grateful.
One of my goals moving forward is to be more open in my journey and to continue expressing myself in therapy, which I've traditionally struggled with. I finally feel like I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to go even deeper into the vaults in my brain and face parts of my past I wasn’t ready to acknowledge or talk about. It's like I'm taking this all a lot more seriously but also being less judgmental of myself. I am trying to be kinder to myself in the process.
My creativity has also opened up and I've started to paint. It's become an outlet for me and something I do regularly that I never allowed myself to do before. My artwork is journey-influenced (colors and textures!), but it's also freeing for me to do because even though I worked as a makeup artist for years, I never really allowed myself to create on a canvas. That's been one of the most liberating parts of this whole journey for me.
Even more importantly, I feel I've finally found a community through Field Trip Health, and group sessions are a nice thing to look forward to — especially since I recently moved to Houston from New York. Some of us from the group are even on a group text. We have started establishing deeper connections, which adds a beautiful layer of authenticity that I don't always find in everyday human exchanges.
I wish more people had access to these services because they are crucial to so many of us. Looking back, I realize I've fought so hard for my entire life for my mental health. That means I'm privileged because I've been able to pay for that fight, but addressing your mental health and self care shouldn't be a luxury.
Being human is messy, and I've been very, very messy. But I have hope, I have faith, and I feel like I'm finally doing things that will get me to where I'm going to go. My journey is just beginning, and I'm so grateful for it.
The testimonials are the individual experiences of those who have attended Field Trip and taken part in our treatment, however they are individual results and results will vary. The testimonials are not necessarily representative of all of those who have used our treatment.
Field Trip may have edited the testimonials to account for correction of grammar or typing errors where necessary. In other cases, the testimonials may have been shortened for brevity. Field Trip has not edited the testimonial in a way that would create a misleading impression of the individual's views.
Ketamine is also not for everyone and may result in serious side effects. Certain medical conditions and other factors may reduce the effectiveness of ketamine as a treatment or disqualify you from receiving ketamine. Please consult a physician or other medical professional before commencing treatment.
For more information about what Field Trip offers including an overview, risks of treatment, and cost, please review Our Therapy.