I’ve always lived a full and hectic life. I suppose when you’re forced to live on your own at 15 years old, that’s kind of what you have to do in order to provide for yourself and survive. So, that’s what I did. For years, I threw myself into work. At one point, I held jobs within the automotive industry, then I busied myself even further by co-founding a company. Before COVID hit, I was travelling 200-plus days a year.
On second thought, “hectic” might be an understatement.
All of that work led to PTSD, corporate bullying and anxiety. Along the way, I lost myself and found that I had no sense of purpose or a knowledge of what I even liked. I struggled with alcohol. Coping with my anxiety meant keeping a packed calendar and creating tangible results with work, but it also meant poor mental health. I was trapped in a vicious cycle.
When the pandemic hit, it forced me to take stock of where I was in life. I was also approaching my 50th birthday and I wanted to travel to some kind of exotic health retreat that integrated psychedelics and traditional ceremonies for mental health and personal discovery. Then a friend referred me to Field Trip Health and it seemed like the perfect way to reset my head at 50.
My wife sells CBD and I had experience micro-dosing with psilocybin in the past, so I was open to the experience. Arming myself with research and knowing that there was medical supervision in a comfortable but professional setting gave me further peace of mind. What I wasn’t completely on board with was the idea of talking to someone. At least not at first.
The first time I went for ketamine-assisted therapy, it was like getting a flavour lozenge. As for the experience of the dosing itself? I have to say that it was visually impactful, almost like the opening sequence of The Twilight Zone in a way. As though all of these answers were in front of me, but with a lot of lines. I saw a dark velvet wall with a beating heart that I could feel.
Not all of my “trips” were that impactful. I did have one session where I went in and nothing happened at all—I woke up within a few minutes. But overall, the course of treatment was a great experience that taught me to go in with a question and come out with an answer. Now that I feel more confident about what to expect, I’m gearing up to do another session. This time, I think I also have a better grasp about what it is I want from my life.
You see, at first the medicine sessions exhausted me. It wasn’t the ketamine, but the hard (and sometimes gruelling) thought process that the ketamine ignited. Subsequent sessions weren’t as tiring, and I learned a lot about myself along the way.
Now, I know the world is opening up and I will be faced with travel again. Rather than gearing up for my old life, I’m sitting back and taking stock of where I want to go. I know that mentally I’m not quite where I want to be just yet, but I can also recognize (without stressing out about it) how much changes in a year.
If I had these realizations at 35, I don’t know that I would have listened to myself. But right now, I’m getting back into reading, spending a lot of time with my partner, Christine, and intentionally honoring my personal time as much as business. I’m also looking forward to seeing who I will be at 51, because given everything I’ve learned in the past year, I now see a ton of potential when I look ahead.
As told to Amber Dowling for Field Trip Health
The testimonials are the individual experiences of those who have attended Field Trip and taken part in our treatment, however they are individual results and results will vary. The testimonials are not necessarily representative of all of those who have used our treatment.
Field Trip may have edited the testimonials to account for correction of grammar or typing errors where necessary. In other cases, the testimonials may have been shortened for brevity. Field Trip has not edited the testimonial in a way that would create a misleading impression of the individual's views.
Ketamine is also not for everyone and may result in serious side effects. Certain medical conditions and other factors may reduce the effectiveness of ketamine as a treatment or disqualify you from receiving ketamine. Please consult a physician or other medical professional before commencing treatment.
For more information about what Field Trip offers including an overview, risks of treatment, and cost, please review Our Therapy.