I’d never thought about doing ketamine-assisted therapy. But I’m a former Army Ranger, a husband, and a father of three, and when my friend Mike recommended Field Trip Health I started seriously considering the process. Eventually, I decided it was worth a shot.
When I arrived for my first treatment, I was asked what I wanted from the experience. Well, I wanted to be a better human being. They asked me what that looked like for me, and what that would do for me, and what that would do for my everyday relationships. I thought I would get some type of cheat codes to life or an answer on how to be a better human or something like that. But the therapy unlocked something even deeper.
We started with 25 milligrams, and it felt like nothing I’d ever felt before. Nothing I could say would do the feeling justice, but one moment I was wondering when it was going to hit me and the next it just did. I felt like I was falling into space, but I wanted to go deeper. So they gave me 65 more milligrams and shapes started forming and stacking on top of each other. Then I would think about my family, and then the shapes would return. It was a very powerful experience.
At one point I thought I died, but I wasn’t afraid. Instead I felt regret because I wished I had had more time with my kids. I was deployed oversees for two of their births and I missed big moments in their early lives because I was away. I just missed so much in the beginning, and I started wondering if I had a family, and what my family should look like, and my role in it.
The next thing I knew I was coming out of it and tears were rolling down my face. In that moment I knew my life had changed.
What I didn’t know was to what extent it would change though. Things came out of that therapy that I didn’t even think about wanting or needing. I’ve never been a big drinker for example, but if I had a steak I’d drink a glass of wine with it. Well the next time I went to a steak house I didn’t want a glass of wine. In fact I didn’t want any alcohol at all, and I haven’t since.
I also had mushrooms in the house that went to waste because I felt zero desire to consume them. I didn’t even feel bad that they went to waste, because they just weren’t needed. I was happier. I was enjoying life. I was into the smaller things for the first time as far back as I can remember, and I found myself looking at my phone and the TV a whole lot less.
People around me felt that shift too. They recognized that I was more present and that I wanted to create memories and better relationships. Now when I’m just sitting there at the dinner table or on the couch, or whatever, I’m actually listening and communicating for the first time in a really long time. My wife straight up told me that she wished I’d done this for myself a long time ago. And maybe most importantly, this experience has helped me to transform my relationship with my kids.
You see, during my second trip my family was waiting for me in the car. When I returned, I looked at them and spoke with my two older kids honestly. I said, “You know, I missed a lot of your early lives. Your births. Your first steps. Your birthdays. And I didn’t like that. But I didn’t realize how much I didn’t like that until now. I want to get to know you guys. I want to get to know the little things that make you, you.”
My nine-year-old son teared up and looked at me. “I’m happy you’re saying that,” he told me. Today, my relationships with my kids are the best they’ve ever been.
The effects from my journey lasted a long, long time and now I’m thinking about booking another session to continue my healing process. Knowing what I know now, I honestly believe that ketamine-assisted therapy can benefit a lot of people—not just veterans. I truly think that one day we’re going to look back at this time in our society and be shocked at how quick we were to medicate with pills and other medications, when there are so many other helpful tools out there.
This isn’t just for people with serious trauma, like wars or something. This is for everybody, and it could be life-changing for many. I know it definitely has been for me and my family.
As told to Amber Dowling for Field Trip Health
The testimonials are the individual experiences of those who have attended Field Trip and taken part in our treatment, however they are individual results and results will vary. The testimonials are not necessarily representative of all of those who have used our treatment.
Field Trip may have edited the testimonials to account for correction of grammar or typing errors where necessary. In other cases, the testimonials may have been shortened for brevity. Field Trip has not edited the testimonial in a way that would create a misleading impression of the individual's views.
Ketamine is also not for everyone and may result in serious side effects. Certain medical conditions and other factors may reduce the effectiveness of ketamine as a treatment or disqualify you from receiving ketamine. Please consult a physician or other medical professional before commencing treatment.
For more information about what Field Trip offers including an overview, risks of treatment, and cost, please review Our Therapy.