Several years ago I had a really pivotal experience with psilocybin that took a lot of years to interpret. Now, being older and wiser, I wanted to have another spiritual experience and considered taking them again at a festival. However, the idea of doing that in a location where I would be surrounded by so many people wasn’t appealing to me. So I began researching guided opportunities in Chicago, where I live.
An Instagram ad brought me to Field Trip Health. I have treatment-resistant depression so many venues that work for others don’t work for me. From the beginning Field Trip Health was different. The entire staff was compassionate and friendly, and they made me feel comfortable. They were also exploratory and explained every step of the process along the way. I was never surprised by anything.
Honestly, the only thing that made me hesitate was the cost of the treatments. It was a big hang-up, but the fact that I went for it anyhow is a big testament to how important this was to me. If I was going to do it, I was going to do it right and Field Trip had my full trust. I went in full hog.
Once I actually started the ketamine-assisted therapy portion it was surprisingly comforting. It sounds cliché but I felt as though I was floating and that I was a part of a whole. It was also special—this experience was just for me and I was so grateful to have someone there to guide me and essentially Sherpa me through the entire trip.
I did not have a big “aha moment” as some others who have done this therapy have had. I was hoping to, but to me it was more like I was healing something that I had been fostering for a long time. What I learned from it was really just to take away that specialness, while still feeling or being able to be mindful and present in the world. I couldn’t tell you how ketamine does that or helps you do that, but for some reason the sessions help to connect you and open your mind.
My mind was opened to the full experience of being human. I had been blocking myself off from some things because I was afraid of the emotions that were associated with them. Ketamine allowed me to explore those dead zones when I did the treatments in October 2021, and I’ve gotten even better since then. These treatments honestly set me up for success over time.
These days my self-esteem is stronger and I am leaps and bounds more mindful and present in the moment, which is really important to me. I still have my psychiatrist and therapist, but I feel as though I’m on the road to recovery. For example, I used to do Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), but now I do Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). Basically, DBT was for symptom relief and EMDR is for processing deeply rooted issues about your identity. In short, I was able to move from managing myself to exploring myself.
I also feel more mentally organized and confident at life and at living. At home, my husband says that when I smile I actually look happy and he can see me have emotions in a metered kind of way. We communicate better. And I feel more productive, which is also huge.
Having experienced Field Trip Health I genuinely feel like everyone would benefit from doing this. It’s a bummer the cost of ketamine is a barrier because it really is so meaningful. But if you’re the type of person who wants to do psychedelics, you might as well do it in a setting that will almost guarantee you to have a good, informational trip. If you’re on the fence, do it. And if you’re not on the fence, you should get on the fence. Because I really felt like I got my money’s worth.